Humor från en sovande man

Det finns en kvinna som, likt många andra kvinnor, inte har det helt lätt. Hennes kille heter Adam och han har som vana att prata i sömnen. Inget konstigt med det, tänker ni. Nej, det är inget konstigt med att prata i sömnen, det är det många som gör mer eller mindre ofta. Adam brukar dock säga lite ”mindre vanliga” saker, eller hur man nu ska formulera sig. På sidan Sleep Talkin’ Man får vi ta del av Adams visdomsord. Hans fru låter bandspelaren gå på nätterna och för noga anteckningar och up dates. Här är några axplock:

Some of the content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
The views expressed by Sleep Talkin’ Man rarely reflect the attitudes/opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians. But he does hate lentils.

Feb 9 2010
”Bring it on, King Kong. I’ll kick your monkey ass right back to the jungle.”
”My pony’s for sale. Yes, it fucking works! I wanna get a stripey zebra instead.”

Feb 4 2010
”Squid wrestling: all tentacles and no substance.”
[scratching chest] ”Itchies. Itchy itchies. They’re crawling everywhere, those itchies. SMACK ‘EM!”

Feb 3 2010
”Fuck me, fuck you. Simple choice, really.”
”My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face.”

Jan 23 2010, afternoon
Lucky us! Adam just fell asleep on the sofa….

”Pleased to meet you? Huh, gotta be a fucking joke.”
”I like the balloons. I want one. If I don’t get one, I’m gonna squeeze one out right here, right now…. I warned you!”
”I want to dance in the rain but without the getting wet bit. Rain! Rain….”


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More facts about Socialistiska Partiet

50% Människa 50% Robot 100% Socialistiska Partiet

Fortsättning från 20 facts about Socialistiska Partiet

21. Socialistiska Partiet can unscramble an egg.
22. Socialistiska Partiet can have their cake AND eat it too.
23. Socialistiska Partiet can MAKE water run uphill.
24. Socialistiska Partiet are not afraid of Urban Legends, they ARE an Urban Legend.
25. Socialistiska Partiet understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
26. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Socialistiska Partiet.
27. When Socialistiska Partiet goes out to eat, they are ordering a whole chicken, but they only eats its soul.
28. They once made a Socialistiska Partiet toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
29. When Arnold says the line ”I’ll be back” in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Socialistiska Partiet for help.
30. They were going to release a socialism-edition of Cluedo, but the answer always turns out to be ”Socialistiska Partiet. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
31. ”Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Socialistiska Partiet calls the pile of dead stalinists in their front yard.
32. Socialistiska Partiet uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops
33. Capitalists created the automobile to escape from Socialistiska Partiet…Not to be outdone, Socialistiska Partiet created the automobile accident.
34. Socialistiska Partiet make onions CRY!!!
35. If you spell Socialistiska Partiet in Scrabble, you win. Forever.


20 facts about Socialistiska Partiet

1. If you have five dollars and Socialistiska Partiet has five dollars, Socialistiska Partiet has more money than you.
2. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Socialistiska Partiet’s computer. Socialistiska Partiet is always in control.
3. Apple pays Socialistiska Partiet 99 cents every time they are listening to a song.
4. Socialistiska Partiet can sneeze with their eyes open.
5. When you say ”no one’s perfect”, Socialistiska Partiet takes this as a personal insult.
6. Socialistiska Partiet likes their coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
7. Socialistiska Partiet destroyed the periodic table, because they only recognizes the element of surprise.
8. Socialistiska Partiet can kill two stones with one bird.
9. A Socialistiska Partiet-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
10. Socialistiska Partiet doesn’t actually write Internationalen, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
11. Socialistiska Partiet can divide by zero.
12. Socialistiska Partiet invented black. In fact, they invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. SUF invented pink.
13. Socialistiska Partiet and Virvelvinden walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
14. If you Google search ”Socialistiska Partiet getting their asses kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
15. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting capitalists on an island with Socialistiska Partiet. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
16. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Socialistiska Partiet lives in Sweden.
17. Socialistiska Partiet doesn’t believe in Germany.
18. Socialistiska Partiet can slam a revolving door.
19. Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Socialistiska Partiet. Socialistiska Partiet eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
20. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Socialistiska Partiet.

Julnötter!

Tyvärr lyckades ingen pricka in rätt svar till vår julnöt. Männen på bilderna var som ni kan se:

1) Fredde ”Min fru är lika vidrig som jag” Reinfeldt 2) Tage ”Nu laddar han om” Erlander 3) Ingvar ”MC Hammer” Carlsson 4) Calle ”Jag fick en matlåda i huvet” Stropp 5) Thomas ”Benzo” Quick 6) Goran ”kommunistknackaren” Boll.

Men vem ska bort? Vi röstar på Thomas Quick. Förmodligen den ende oskyldige i gänget. Även Calle Stropp hade godkänts med motiveringen ”Hans panna är inte ENORM, han är bara jävligt ful”.